Theraphy for my life..

Marriage?,,,single?...or regret?...

2012-02-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

Marriage?..yup, i am old enough and "rich" enough to talk about marriage and wedding..

but do i really want that?...do i really want to be NOT ALONE to get married and live my whole life having a miserable marriage with 2 or 3 kids with a lousy husband??...i love children..sometimes it doesnt show cause how i am grumpy with my lil archie and always smacking his head when he do something annoying. But i really want to be a mother of my own child..BUT, do i want to get married with a lousy husband?..THAT IS THE BIG PROBLEM..

i have been in love LOADS of time..but ALL the people i had been in love with frankly speakings, are not the marriage type..Let me, make it clear..1) They are good boyfriends..2) They do love me..3) They 'sometimes' has money..BUT...do i really want to get married with a guy that HAVE a LOT of problem and their family are kinda shifty?..NOPE!..dont DO IT!..cos seriously it will bite you back in the ass..you had to get married with a good guy with a good family background, that can support you no matter what circumstances and have a good financial background..That is important people!..not the looks, not the clothes and definitely not their watch..Its all about him and his family..

But i will never get just married with the reason "Just because..."..now i do understand why successful woman that have a career and is single and DONT get married!..cos they are rich enough to buy their OWN house!, buy their OWN car and buy their OWN food..

so basically for me, yes i do feel lonely, yes i do feel sometimes like a loser..but do i really want to be married and have a lot of problem later in life?..do i really am that strong to handle that?..
i guess i am not..

I want to get married..hell..who in the hell doesnt want their happily ever after ending..

but i want to get married with the right guy at the right time of our life..maybe my 'jodoh' is not here yet, or maybe he will never show up..whatever happens i am grateful and happy with my life..

I just saw Sun..

2012-02-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

Hahahaha..its a weird noon actually..yesterday the post is all about giving up a person and never finding them back..but hell i just saw HIM..

I thought you quit already..hell i thought you quit ages ago..so when i went there, my heart like flip flopping for a minute whether i will see you or see just a glimpse of your shadow..

BUT HELL SUN.. you almost ran me over !!.hahaha..

I miss you...but i dont know whether you miss me back just the same..i think you realize its me when our eyes met..but i dont know..
i think i saw you looking for me at the exit near the cafe..but i dont know..

coz we never did or i never did have the courage to just go and talk to you and say "Hi"..this remind me on the starting of how we became friends actually..hahaha..me being shy and you had to go and say "Hey" to me first...

so we never will know the fact whether we can be the bestest friend again..As i always say to people "He was the best friend and a great friend for me to have, regardless of what he is and what the circumstances, he never did do things that hurt me except for letting me go.."..

i wish you just scream my name and we can wave "hi"..but i didn't did that too..so whatever i guess..

the "jungle" will never go away ..so maybe next time, i will have the courage to say "Hi, whats up?, hows life.."..or we can continue pretending that we never did know each other ever..

..its been a weird encounter..you look much less NOT the same at all..but i guess thats what you "do" to go back being normal huh?..

Whatever it is, i am happy to see you again even just a glimpse and later~~

Karma, breaking up and qada' and qadar...

2012-01-31T23:55:00.000-08:00

I believe in karma..i also believe in qada' and qadar, of coz...
I have this weird fight when im with him..always this weird fight...

Orang A: Sudahlah u...
Orang B: I dah, u tu yg xpernah dah..
Orang A: I dah lahh...
Orang B: U dah apa..u xpernah dah..kalau u dah, u xlayan dia..

and this scene will be repeated countless of times throughout the relationship due to because of the "guy"...we always fight about jealousy..weird huh?..bcoz of his "life", supposedly me, that will be the jealous type..but in fact he is the one that controls me more than i actually does to him..

So back to karma, i do believe what you give, you will get back tenfold..so means if you do evil once, then somebody else will do evil back to you tenfold and so on with goodness..
.
Back then when the guy do back things to me, i choose him to replace the guy.. i choose a Sun to replace my night..but in the end the Sun doesnt choose me back..I did regret the decision of coz, sometimes..

Never the decision to love a person but the decision of why we cant be friends now..
coz relationship complicates thing, as you can never go back to being friends. And he was my bestest friend ever (for a guy back then)..he was the answer to all my question about my life back then..so when i choose love over friendship, we cant go back to just being friends..but in truth, i dont know how anymore..but the matter of fact is,i never did try to contact him again..its been like 4?5? months i guess since i last saw anything about him and this includes facebook.

coz for me, when he made the decision of not choosing me, that means he wants out,he doesnt need me anymore. so of coz a girl like me, thinks " Okay, fine...i can do this..i can be strong like you too.." I just throw away all the details, all the stuff and never did look back..breaking up is not easy..hell, i still feel bitter about him ..i still feel like "Eff you man, seriously Eff you..".."i have this gut to leave everything behind but why cant you just choose me!..why cant you just be like me and pick up the pieces together with me??.." ...but he did choose the other choice..im still bitter sometimes but it had to be done..

so the karma in my life is that, i had been a cheater, cheated and a cheat. does not include me only. sometimes with a guy doing it to me.or the guy in my relationship doing it with other people. so conclusion is be good. be strong. be truthful. coz think with your age not your shoe size.

Later~

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Official Lyric Video)

2012-01-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

Wow...Hundreds of meaning in this song...~

I wont Give Up..I'm Still Looking UP...

I told you so and my mistake..

2012-01-04T11:08:00.000-08:00

"I told you so"....

I hated that word..i remember falling in love and people saying "Jangan, dont do this mistake"..but me being stubborn," Its ok, my mistake so i want to learn"..But hell, i already give this fucking loser countless and countless of opportunity..Its been ages and finally all the things that keep me coming back to him is finish..FINALLY!, no more calling up and asking for the "thing"..So, right now its just about me and him..but you never learn huh?..dont tell me my perangai is sucks when your perangai is like an effing child..i choose to lose you ages ago, i can do it again lah LOSER!!...

I always mengharap..my mistake huh?...haishhh...harap people call me and say that they miss me just as much i miss them, harap people change and be more like a person than a child..harap that you love me more and choose me than anybody else..but its just that "harap", its not reality...maybe i can love them always and forever but i gonna stop this thing of "mengharap"..coz in reality of life is that, "when people said goodbye it means that, "Bye".."...
I always always gonna love him, the OTHER him, not the loser him, the "sun" him....i already started to forget his voice and laugh and it makes me wanna cry so hard but its for the best i think..and its just time to move on cos i ve got big plan for 2012 and maybe its better to be alone than to handle all this feelings..

Dont cry when the sun is gone, because the tears wont let you see the stars ~ Violet Parra

Later...

My one and only

2012-01-03T14:03:00.000-08:00

You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time just thinking of your face
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

If I've been on your mind, you hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart

Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it
Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it

Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it
Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me I've learned it

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

P/s: The words of Adele " This song is about me loving him then but right now i just dont love him anymore"..

Weird, emo and psycho..

2012-01-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

I miss you, sun..

Later..

2012..

2012-01-01T13:05:00.000-08:00

2012..Happy New Year?...pfffttt....

MC, wisdom tooth and pain..

2011-12-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

Ive got a medical leave today..wow..the first for this year?..i cant remember the last time ive got a MC..usually i get sick but normally i just pull my AL and just put it on MC, coz in J company when you get a MC in your attendance you dont get a bonus or salary raise..*thats one of the reason i quit..;)*..sooooo, my wisdom teeth are finally growing and let me tell you, whatever things that Jasmine said about the pain..ITS DAMN TRUE!!..coz it hurts like hell!!..good luck this week we dont have any tenders or any potential tenders coming in..because on of the reason i dislike MC coz i am YES a WORKHOLIC..i like holidays and such but i hate when i have to spend it at home thus the terms WORKHOLIC..cos i like to be in the office more than home?..nahhh, cos in the office now, ive got to talk and bitch about people and we got unifi ok..so yes, i prefer places where my internet is effing fast and there is people for me to talk to.
not to say i dont like my home, i love it..but when i work, i dont think about how sucky my past relationships and how i hate missing him..so work is my escape from my memories..it is sad when you think about it, but its my mechanism to survive until i can truly say " I am over with him "..hurmmmm...depressing mode tiba2..shit..

BUT whatever is, i have a day off today so lets make it worthwhile..i.e: continue reading my comics and novel online(check), playing with little archie(check), watching movies(check), eat your medicine before writing this post(opppsss, i forgot)...

So later...~~~...

P/s: just saw MI4(Ghost Protocol) and it was AMAZING...!!!!Tom Cruise is the best!..and Jeremy Renner?..*swoon*...

Friendship, Starbucks and Pelita...

2011-12-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

Its a weird thing about friendship..
As you know, true friend/s will just accept you no matter what you do and what you are right?..
I have many experience of this so called thing "FRIENDSHIP"..but the one that i hope and i pray to god that will never go away is them...
Because in a way every person has their own personality that they bring in a friendship..Dont get me wrong, i always and will always call Mulan a bitch everytime she do the eye roll thingy..I will always be annoyed and irritate with Ariel on her attitude of not picking up the phone when i need her the most..Of wanting to smack Jasmine head when shes being insecure..but hell, im a bitch most of the time too..im an annoying person mostly ALL the time and i am very judgmental when i want to be that person. But we click...we click in sense of everybody need to branch out and have their own circle of friends but basically coming back together and be our true selves.

Yesterday we have our little gathering in Pelita, but before that me and Mulan have our usual caffeine fix at starbucks (bcoz hell!..im already addicted with the taste!..and shit it costs me RM17.50 everytime i drink it, but its my indulgence once a week so sue me for backing up a jewish company or whatsoever!..)
Btw, Mulan drink are shit and taste like grass or Jasmine said " Rasa macam ko minum daun", and yes it taste like "daun"..the drink?..Its called Green Tea Cream Blended..and mine its called Mocha something with cranberry sauce on top..*its a christmas drink promo and i LOVE IT!!..*

Here is some pictures just for the sake of my entertainment..:)

Mine..

Mulan's....

SO btw about friendship, we have our ups and downs as a group, we sometimes bitch about each other, hate each other but in the end truly-truly i do love this girls..I even haves exes that hate them, because i talk to them about everything includes my love life and what im doing now with my boyfriend, my argument with my boyfriend ..But basically that i do love them so much, and sometimes we do get on each other nerves and hated each other at one point, but like Mulan said to me yesterday * i paraphrase her words, of course.."Maybe we just need to delete any hateness and grudges coz value of friendship is much higher than our own egos.."..

So later..;)..♥...

Its all about MONEY!

2011-12-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

Its all about money in life..there is never in one person life money its not a subject..Like one statement in Jerry Maguire " SHOW ME THE MONEY!"...

i have countless of person telling me money is like the thing that keep the world go round..and actually yes i agree with them..know why?..coz i can be the breadwinner in a relationship or in a marriage but nak xnak ah kan, guys have to step up and earn my respect by providing for me lahh..come on ahh...damnnn that is one messed up relationship, when a woman/girl pleases a guy by buying his affection?..
it should be the other way round ok!..i live in a house where my father buys stuff for my mother not my mother buy gifts for him!..and that is what i will always keep in mind..coz in the end, no matter how much money you earn in a living, the guy have to pay the bills for the house..hell!..

Money is a sensitive subject. Thats why i never borrow money except my mom..why?..
in the end, when my mom talk or yell about money to me, i accept it wholeheartedly. but for others to do it for me?..come on!...i hate it!

btw, i had made stupid and wrong decisions of lending people money along my days when i was in love and being stupid. to tell the truth, it is still my worst effing mistakes ever!!!..so lesson learned!..until now, i had money pending on loan from that person..and they had the guts to tell me "so macam nie perangai u sebenarnya, pasal duit u treat i mcm nie?.."..mcm apa ???..mcm binatang kerr???..coz the last time, u said that u will paid me back within 2 months and its been like a year asshole!..who is the animal now?..you or me?...dont treat me like a stupid person coz sorry to say i was stupid once but never again!...

So whatever dude, its already over before it begins..dont start a relationship with so many excess baggage from the past coz it will (and trust me on this) haunt you back!..i love being single than to handle all this emotional crap about money, messaging, calling, hanging out and family..

So Later~...

Eff up and starbucks..

2011-12-24T18:49:00.000-08:00

Its eff up when sometimes you think you want somethings or someone but in the end you know the time is not right for you to be in a something or someone with somebody..

Mess up aite?..

So whatever, stop being a douche person Aurora and be a woman~!..ok rite now, stop talking about relationship and more about starbucks..

Sooooo...basically when im single, i have a lot of time and money to spend..hehe..coz, when im in a relationship i tend to save up money to go on dates and buy unnecessary stuff..yah, i know why ME? have to save up and not them?..frankly speaking, i was a stupid naive in love person and they are sometimes douchebag bf..and i am usually an independent person around guys so, yes!..like my "kakak" said " apsal ko bodoh sgt nie!!"..but to my defense, "she" is also like that when she was married the first time!..so we learn from our lessons ok!!..hehe..btw, sayang my kakak and my budak kecik..:)
*no offense to my exes, but sometimes i must think YOU are ALL douchebag ok!..u all broke my heart..what more nice thing that i can said about you guys??..*

soooooo, back to starbucks story..nowadays i have this routine with Mulan to go drink at our nearest starbucks shop,so basically i am addicted to starbucks and the guy behind the counter just add bonus to it..hehe.. i like their toffee nut frappucino blended so much that i must drink it before christmas ends..bcoz its only during promo..so basically what i want to say is, no bf = a lot of money..hahahahha..
so next time i will write more what i buy with the money i save and maybe i can be happy knowing i had made a right decision to just eff up from his life and make sure he is happy with his current "domestic" life..coz in the end, letting go is a must to make sure you are happy in the future..so pray i will meet my "domestic" life soon..:)..

Later~...

Relationship part 1

2011-12-24T03:00:00.001-08:00

I think i learn the most out of relationship when i was with him..Until now, i can still remember his words when he talk to me about guys and their wickedness..on how i said " i rindu u lahh.." and he will reply, " jgn kata i xrindu u, sbb i rindu u sgt"..effing rite?..hahaha...and its funny because in the end, he will become my ex and not my 'jodoh'..

Its a funny thing about 'jodoh'...because we all knew about "If its god will, it will happen sooner or later.."..but can i said that " i want it now!..i dont want to wait until im older and he is old to become one.."..how ungrateful do i sound huh?..yes, thats me back in time when i was so "IN LOVE"...i will never regret whoever that i choose to be in love and have a relationship with, but he always going to be my standard point you know?..he is different from "A" becoz he is more mature and if people know who am i talking about, "HE" is a taboo person.. the taboo one that i learn a lot from and will always learn again and again..i still think about him, alot..my "kakak" said its because its normal to think about that person eventhough it hurts to think about them..seems inlogical right?..but,hell..she has the more grueling experience than me..so i choose to listen on her about that sort of thing..

so basically,whether they are thinking about you when you are not together anymore..hurm..i wish he thinks about me, the good time, the bad time and the love time..but hell, if he wish to undo our time, that is the most heartbreaking thing that he can do towards me now..but its his own life..so whatever floats his boat..coz, for me, lesson learn from having a relationship with him is that:

1) I become more mature, in a way..
2) Dont trust people that easily..
3) Saying NO is important when handling with stupid asshole future guys/bf
4) Take care of yourself in every situation, regardless of gender and status of the other people in the room.
5) I am weird and very very picky and effing irritating but never did realize it until when i notice he has "THAT" attitude with me..
6) The list go on..

But the first thing that i learn from him is that, it will always going to be Needles and Pins towards life..*tears*...

Later...~

i dont like pressure, nowadays...

2011-12-22T01:21:00.000-08:00

i dont like it!...hell i dont even want to message or bb some one if i dont want to!!!!...so back off!!!!!...arggghhhhhh....im stress with all this people that dont get it!!!..ive changed!..maybe its good, maybe its not, its still 50/50 from what i see now..but i changed!!..i dont need you if i think you are going to pull me down!..i want some real person that care for me!..not want something for me!!...so back off!!!!!...i just end a relationship that i dont want to end..so i dont want to be clingy anymore, coz i made a mistake of loving that person too much, that i cant seem to get out of the shadow...!...so back off i say!!!!!...let go of me from your suffocating annoying crap!!!

Opposite of war is not peace..Its CREATION...

2011-12-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

i was so in love..in love with love..thats what i called when everytime i do fall in love..i only fall a handful of times..got a lot of this thing called "flair-flair"..but when i did fall in love, i fall hard and it hurts when i wake up...

This one guy..he was the one..yup he is..when Mulan, Ariel and Jasmine talk to me about who is my current bf..i will always and always compare all the upcoming guy with this one..but nobody will have the same feel as him..know why?..coz he passed away..

the moment i heard about the news, i was so devastated..keep on crying till morning..back then, i knew who are my true friends..They were by my side in an instant..

but....life moved on rite?..its hard, but you just have to pick up, shake it off and pretend to be happy for awhile and maybe the smile will stick to your face for the whole day...

* this is just a rambling post..coz my head is so jumble up rite now, the story i want to write will not came out right..so later..

Bosan

2011-12-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

Hahaha...Xder FB so focus kat blog la pulak..leh x...biar ah..kat sini nobody leh comment or like or whatsoever..

sux kan 2011...hurmmm...nk tunggu for the year 2012 n hopefully my life will be much much better, insyaallah..later in other post i will tell my sadness..coz gradually i need this therapy of writing everything down to forget all my heartache and broken heart..

later..♥

2009-12-18T04:20:00.001-08:00

i feel like a stupid person right now..
i cant stop from feeling wanted to cry and scream..
i cant believe the person i trust and love can make me feel so bad about them..
i cant believe its been a year since i am active with writing in my blog..
this blog supposedly to be my confidant towards my growing period of life after uni life..
after all the studying and stressing..i still feel stress when im working..
its true when people says that " Life when we are just little kids , are better than the life that we have to think about money, career, relationship, colleagues, bosses..
its sucks ..
life now totally blows of out my mind..
i can never imagine this is what my life is right now..
this is what i feel, and this feeling is what i hate..

Thinking of Joining the Circus~

2008-12-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

Right now im thinking of joining a circus..Seriously!..
I need to find new things to do in my life. Im stuck in a stupid boring job. Have no stupid boyfriend. Dont like my current friend. SO basically i NEED to join the CIRCUS..

do we even have a circus in Malaysia?..I think not~..the woo is on me~

~i miss loving him~

2008-09-25T05:51:00.001-07:00

i miss loving him~
i miss all the talks~
i miss all the laughs~
i miss all the lepaking~
i miss all the idiots thing he does~
i miss how he can be weird sometimes~
i miss that way of him when he dosnt talk~
i miss him being "mysterious"
i never did understand the WHOLE him but i still miss ALL of him~
i miss how he can make me happy~
i miss the way i smile when im with him~
i miss his smile~
i miss the way i can get flustered just by sitting beside him~
i even miss him smoking that stupid cancer stick~
i miss when the time is not NOW..
i miss the memory~
i miss HIM~
i miss LOVING him~
i know its onesided but i still miss it~
i know he doesnt look at me THAT way but i still miss it~
i know he is happy right now~
but i wish i am happy beside him~
i know im supposed to be move on a long time ago, trust me I AM MOVE ON~~ i have a lot of relationship but i still miss the thing i have for him~
maybe its a mistake, maybe its a lesson for me but for now i just want to say I miss him~

i still do cause for me he is my true First Love ..even he doesn't reciprocated the feelings..i still do feel jealous for his girlfriend(yes i say it~!..like Pink say "so what")

i wish we can meet and talk like before..
i wish i never did like him THAT way..but i do and i never regretted it..
i wish we are stuck at seventeen(him 17 and i 16)
i wish that we are close like old days..

i know this is just a rambling from my part..i know he dosnt miss me like i do for him..i know its sad and pathetic but i still feel this feeling so i cant do anything about it..so i miss you so much that everytime i do remeber you i cant get you out of my mind that fast and the only way is to do this stuff to make me feel better..

i know you will never read my profile so whatever~~ miss you so much,52625

a post~~

2008-08-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

im working rite now!..weehooo..big suprise?..yes i know big suprise to me too~!..
its like the moment when you finish the last exam in ur final life,i get depressed coz my friend had already gone to at least one interview or have working experience and i dont have any of that..
so to make long story short, i just grab the first opportunity that makes sense to me.
im not regretting or anything, just suprised that i am working..

me the youngest of all my friend and exclassmates, is right now working at Kepong..hahahaha...
the story of the century right?..

and to add like weird twist to the story, im not that happy..not happy meaning i hating my job..just i want to grab other better opportunity out there..so thats is like predicament right now..

ok..im ending my post with a kinda sad remark above..
later~

confession...

2008-04-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

its been ages..
n to make me write this one is because yesterday i blow up my usually cheery face at my one of closest fren..how i CANT blow up..when shes going to tell a guy and a guy that lives with the person involved..that i like him!..ok fine maybe i like him..maybe i feel awfully piss off when i know hes involved and more piss off when the person hes involved once told me off about him..and to add salt into that ..i kinda like him as a fren first so when people start making me stop the flirting ..i truly gladly back off from that ..
so when something involving him and involving his name, of course im going to be piss off..she is happy with him..and i dont want to know anything about them being happy coz i know they are happy..so i dont want any stupid thingy in the past to make me feel sucks..
so im insecure ..i hate people knowing that but hell who isnt..! i have very bad rep of falling in love / like with person that i am close with..i have a very bad rep also of being the sweet, cute , lovey person but not the person to get in to a relationship with..

so im AM INSECURE! i hate guys more after the last incident involving certain someone back in highschool , never did fully hate him enough cause typical me to like people first as a fren than a potential crush..
so when the incident of blowing up happen..i do realize its kinda stupid, but seriously !..i am a private person .. i dont advertise my whole entire secret to anybody, and i am truly protective to all the persons that i like..even that person dont know, i do back them up when people is talking shit about them..

so when this incident happen in front of a guy fren of this person..what is my first reaction..?..
of coz to shut the mouth before letting out the NAME..
i hate the situation...i hate him and i hate for confessing it to like it to my frenz..coz im not into him that much ok..! im in to somebody else..its just he a nice guy,and i tend to like people that are nice and easy to handle me..not some jerk guy like my bestfriend who by the way the story need a new entire post ....so we are cool frenz rite now..not that COOL like before the couple with her..but cool enough..so i just want to maintain that.. i dont want any gossiping around my back, i dont any people to start stories that are stupid and presuming..cause im hell will be very piss off..im into gossiping, but im not into making stories about relationship ..except involving my best friends..like i said thats entirely new post to tell THAT story..

so i dont want to stop talking with him ..and ok im not talking, but tomato,tamato...patato,potato..get what i mean?..

pic..

2008-03-23T19:17:00.001-07:00

2008-03-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

dinner of textile for the last graduate batch..(that is me and my friends..) the theme is "GLAMOROUS BLACK AND GOLD"..and truly the rebelliuos me..i didnt follow the code of black and gold fashion just wear whatever that i want..hahaha...so what..its my dinner and is just only that i care whatever that i am wearing...so here is some of the pic..and we did perform , the whole class in fact perform..but due to some of the 'explicit' (hahahaha) content i cant post the vid ..
we imitate the ONE IN A MILLION show..me being the second winner and Aishah Attaullah being the winner of OIAM and yes i did sing (only mimed it ..hehehe) and the explicit content that i mention is when duet with Aishah and Nik singing lagu Drama by Ning Baizura..is like oh my god~~ is so embarrassing hence the explicit content ..hahaha..but here is some of the pic for the night..

Dia...

2008-03-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

yesterday nmpak 'dia'...
wow..its been so long..~~leh lak think back again on the long time that i have a crush on 'dia'...or what i say to people "love"...that is all is serious bullshit..there is no love when you are 16 years old..its not love when you are the one that love "dia"only...it should be a 2 way street..but my mind is being childish and immature back in the days..the days when 'dia' the only person that i think treat me as a girl..
hurm...so yesterday when i nmpak n nmpak in this way is nmpak n not tegur..
so ...when 'nmpak' 'dia'..
i feel that all the love that i feel back then is just my childish feeling..hell...i will always think 'dia' is my true love..but im not THAT childish to think that right now hes the one for me...yah pretty much to say of my first ever guy to fall for..so wish you happy and no hard feelings anyway that you are happy with the one that you fall in love when you are 17...( look back at my third line sentence)..hahahahah...no2 maybe its true love for him..n mybe im being bitter..but neva mind all that..just wnated to lepaskan my feeling jer on this post..so..end~~

uni life~~

2008-03-06T04:48:00.000-08:00

tomorrow will be the 7th of Mac..have a test on environment (study!!!) and exactly 7 days from there will be the Dinner!...the end of the year dinner..the end of my era as a university student and as s textile student in Uitm..its just mean that, my thesis presentation are quite near and i just going to be more freak out when the day(presentation) come ..but that another story..but wow..3 years~! its kinda true when people say, "Sekejap jer 3 tahun tue, pejam celik pejam celik dh grad!"..
YUP!! its true!..
i feel its just like yesterday i have a graduation ceremony for my high school..its like baru tdi jer dpt the feel of staying in a hostel in matrix and sleeping in a area that my parents are not there with me..its just minutes ago i feel and experienced the drama and tribulation of having friends and growing up in uni life..
so here it comes..the end of the sem..the point where the next step is for me to get a job and a life that is my own..but okay, that we'll freak out later..(as i will going to be more freak out later when i will grad nnt,insyaallah!)
....
so the drama,...wow!! my life is full of that in uni life..every sem has new set of worries and set of drama that came with it..first year, means the first 2 sem i baru jer nk sesuaikan diri..you know, being the person thats trying to fit in, having friends that i hope will last forever but actually are not that realistic when i think back..but i am happy s ..i really WERE or is it WAS?..happy..in fact the moment drama start to kick in thats when i realise that the actual cause of the drama is a lot of things..
me being the person i am..
its me wanted to venture out..
its me that cant stay in one place and be satisfied..
its me that always have the same record of jumping groups that matches with my interest and desire on that moment..
and its me that feel comfortable in that moment...
and if its me that have a problem..hurm..maybe its true..but i will never say that i cause the problem..
its just a spur of a moment when the moment happen with alot of different things connected..you just think "i need to get new life".."need to escape from any heartache that may come"..
so im sorry if "them" ever read this post first before i actually apologise to "them" personally..
some of "them" are hurt when the drama broke down at first time..but eventually you've got your own set of group..and i see "them" feel happy so be it..maybe its the best kut?..cause somebody say that " aku rasa ko lagi ok kut ngn people yg skang"..and actually THAT triggers me to think..and i mean, to think hard and clear on what happen in the second year..on what happen when i being piss off when you didnt back up me when i need you..when you choose other people beside me..
i never hate "them"..some people say that i blame "them"?.."them being the couple and me being the one odd out, im being terasa becoz of it?"..come on!..why must i terasa or blame anybody?..and you shouldnt be blaming me either..its just, them are them and i am me...whatever it comes down to hate or love or friendship..its been great knowing "them"..and its been a great journey of friendship..
....................

its been a week?..wow..

2008-03-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

its been a week now..whats happen in a week time?....lots! of! it!..i went to BSB concert which is so freaking superb..*no pic due to the fact that ym is becoming suckier everyday by the week..*
AND
* i dont own a camera!*..yah, idiot me also..who in this time of technology age doesnt own a camera or atleast a 2.0 megapixel handphone camera?..who? ME of coz!..
so have a little bit of pic right now ..but will have more by the end of the week..i hope so..just pic of us..NO BSB!..waaaaa...so sad that they dont have an autograph session or atleast a picture session with the fan..
but we took lots of picture of us of coz..being the camera freak of a bunch of girls that we are..
(this is some of pic that ym "let me" have)

oh my god!

2008-02-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

remember songs as long as you love me, show me the meaning of being lonely, backstreet back, the call, drowning...and like bunch of countless of songs that everbody who loves boyband or people who say that they dont like them but will still sing a long with them..come on!..dont denied it, this is like the guilty pleasure back before even the most rock or the "gothic" person ever become who they are now,
they will say that they love this songs one point on their life...so why should i bring this up???...hellllooooo...THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE COMING TO MALAYSIA!!! AND IM GOING!!!...for the first time ever im going to a CONCERT or a showcase or whatever that people call it..and its going to be the BACKSTREET BOYS!!!...*screaming loudly!!!*

remember when back then when they should be coming to Malaysia and have to cancelled it cause some close friend of the band died due to the 11 september...or something like that..that the first ever of a close call of me going to buy a ticket to A CONCERT!...but when i want to buy it the next day ,,they cancelled!...so imagine the heart break!..
BUT NOW!!!...they are coming here and im GOING!!!..YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!...
thank you for farah for actually calling me and asking me and to hans and nor for actually saying yes to going and making me feel pressurized to go also..and thank you ALLAH!.. as my parents giving me consent to go....!!YES!! my parents actually give the green light and my bro pay for half of it!!..so dont you tell me that "whats the big deal ??"...for me ITS BIG!!!!!!
and im going..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

today!!

2008-02-24T05:49:00.000-08:00

Today were my nephew birthday celebration..! *yay!!* 2 years old already!! so cute !!...but actually his birthday is on 20th Feb..but nobody cares right...so just celebrate sudah...
its not like a hectic and busy celebration ..and i didnt even buy anything for him..hahaha..dont have money to buy a present *liar!*...dont have time * double liar*..just saving for the future * triple liar*..
ok..
ok..
i just dont have the energy to buy toys for a boy ok!..if a girl is such an easy task..buy a doll and she will love it..or a bear in that case..but my anak sedara is a boy ..and he is such a very ganas one..hes like a little miniature of my brothers combined..* i think* ..and if i buy car, my parents will say "he has too many cars already",ball?.."no boucing ball in my house!..nnt pecah all my kaca perhiasan..!"..bear??.."you ada berlambak, kasi jer kat Farhan"..ooooook...so nk kasi apa????....baju ??...kena g lak kedai baju ...kan susah kan cari present nie!..but im a malas one sooo..its suit me fine that my parents tell me to give money sudah..so kasi duit jer ah nmpaknyer..but wait..x finish lagi but my dear 3rd bro *baiknyer hati die* give me permission to put my name on his card..hehehe..so like sharing ah ...so solve the prob!!
p/s: for the info..all my bros dh keja ok! so meaning have own money..me have to support me self...*yah, i know im a quadrupled liar*....

wow!!

2008-02-23T03:42:00.000-08:00

wow....a post on an official blog???..the first !!!...yay!! celebration!!!!!!!!!my own space for a diary!!...but not as private as one can hope..hahaha...whatever..as long is mine!!!!yay!!!! *jumping around and popping baloons*!!